Not Your Typical Stakeout

A private investigator’s supposedly routine marital infidelity stakeout grows weirder and weirder and scarier and scarier.

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8:12 pm

Establish infidelity surveillance post on 22nd floor of apartment building across road from subject’s penthouse.

8:19 pm

Subject arrives home. Pours glass of wine. Disappears into another room.

8:33 pm

Subject reappears. Now wearing bathrobe and towel around head. Makes call on mobile phone. Quite animated.

8:39 pm

Subject opens apartment door. Man with suitcase enters. Man kisses subject passionately. Tries undressing her. Gently rebuffed. Subject eager to see what’s in suitcase. Man opens suitcase on dining table. Ventriloquist dummy leaps out. “Ta-da!” Man startled. Dummy (midget in costume?) does bizarre dance. Man plops on sofa. Looks out of sorts. Subject massages man’s shoulders. Dummy grabs man’s arms, holds them firmly. Subject takes cord lined in razor blades, partially severs man’s head. Blood everywhere.

8:47 pm

Check video camera is still recording. Police will want footage.

8:48 pm

Subject makes no effort to hide man’s body. Appears quite buoyant. Scoops up dummy. Dummy doffs subject’s bathrobe. Subject kisses, fondles dummy with gusto. Dummy’s head falls off. Subject places dummy in standing position on floor, returns head. Subject and dummy exit room, holding hands. (Dummy sophisticated robot?)

9:11 pm

Old woman in garish, gypsy-like clothes suddenly appears in apartment. Freakishly tall. Where did she come from? Scratches odd symbols in wall with fingernails. Symbols glow dazzling bright. Man’s body stirs. Pivots upright, stiff as a board. Old woman places hand on man’s head. Says something to him. Man drops to knees, worships her. Spheres of colored light revolve vertically/horizontally around her head.

9:16 pm

Check video camera again. Footage only thing that can verify sanity.

9:18 pm

Dummy storms naked back into room, string of semen dangling from member. Subject follows, also naked. Old woman directs man’s attention to dummy. Man rises, balls fists aggressively. Subject whispers in dummy’s ear. Dummy’s head multiplies. New heads pile one by one on top of dummy’s existing head. Man bulks up, sprouts long, albino hair over face, body. Morphs into monster with huge, curved blades for arms. Heads separate from dummy. From each other. Spin rapidly in air, covered in blazing flames. Monsters and heads do battle. Blade arms swing blindingly fast. Heads dart in and out. Blood gushing. Not all of it red. Subject and old woman watch calmly. Penthouse quaking. Window panes crash to street.

9:24 pm

Check video camera. Check heart rate and temperature. Heart pumping like mad, temperature fine. No fever.

9:25 pm

Night sky pulsating with strange colors. Monstrous animate shapes silhouetted against heavens. Penthouse aflame. Fight between heads and monster spills outside, down to street below. Nuclear-intense flash. Hellish roar. Several heads fly up, splashed in purplish goo. Distant sirens. Subject and old woman face each other in flaming penthouse. Grow and grow. Legs burst through bottom floors of apartment building. Top halves pierce roof. Building collapses.

9:37 pm

Camera shaken out of place. Reposition. Ensure it hasn’t stopped recording.

9:38 pm

Subject and old woman now unthinkable monstrosities thousands of feet high. Blinding fire pours from teeming eyes. Tendrils lash at creation. Surveillance building quakes from thunderous footfalls. Boiling sky rips open. Hell gushes through. Dark, heaving masses clutching, smothering.

9:41 pm

End of world.

 

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